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Chinese men who have sex with men are increasingly aware of public discourses of homosexuality, and have created numerous public spaces in which they can make contact with other Chinese men who have sex with men (MSM). At the same time Chinese in general, as well as MSM themselves, have increasingly also become aware of models of openly tolerated “gay”, “homosexual” or “tongzhi” identities popularised through the media, especially internet media. Therefore MSM in large Chinese cities now seem to have a greater number of possible models of sexual identification than in the past, as well as a more tolerant atmosphere for revealing their sexual identities in various social contexts. This paper uses in depth interviews with 30 MSM in Shanghai to discover how they construct and organise their social identities as MSM. It examines the terms men use to describe their sexual orientation, including the nuances that accrue to these terms, stories of how men come to identify themselves as MSM, gay or tongzhi, including their assessment of their sexual orientation, and their different patterns of revealing their sexual identities to different members of their social circles. In particular, it looks at some of the sociological factors that seem to influence self-revelation outside the gay circle, also the consequences of these patterns of self revelation and concealment for these other types of social relations.